Just Like Breathing

Breathing is so effortless. And my heart pumps without me ever acknowledging it. Those two most basic and vital functions are the two I think about the least - the two I put the least amount of effort in.

Tonight I watched a video of an interview with vocalist Aaron Weiss of mewithoutyou. He was talking about forgiveness and mercy - how much we need them, how much God gives them, and how we can ask for them. He said that he wants to make prayers for forgiveness just like breathing - continuous, effortless, and vital. As he breathes every breath, and every time his heart pumps, he wants to send up a prayer for forgiveness that he can receive from God and give to others.

I want my whole relationship with the Lord to be just like that.

I want the first thought in my mind in the morning to be about the Lord.

I want my last words at night to be to Him.

I want my actions to glorify Him.

Even when I'm not actively thinking about Him and His kingdom, I want the background music of my life to be Him.

That film projector of thoughts playing consistently, the one I revert to when I'm not actively processing something else, I want that to be playing the Lord's thoughts and heart.

That's a lot of things I want. And as I begin to process why I want those things (God has been showing me the importance of motives), I am hopeful that He is able to give me completely pure intentions. These desires are strong and tied very much to the joy and love I've experienced lately walking in His light. I'm so hungry for His words of life. I'm so thirsty for the Truth. The more I have, the more I want.

So breathing and my heart pumping are effortless, but this kind of relationship requires a lot of effort. But the thing is, I feel like the joy that it creates in my life makes it more effortless than many other things I have done.

How can I resist a God so Holy? How can I walk away from someone so pure? How can I reject the beautiful restoration He wants to bring about in myself and those around me? This world is filthy, but sometimes I glimpse His beautiful design and I'm overwhelmed.

I've never been so in love with my Lord.

Summer Flames

I smell like bonfire. There's a mixture of smoke and food that makes that aroma unmistakable. A pile of leaves burning is different - more musty. A cigarette...well that's a different story. But a bonfire smells wonderful to me. Not because of it's actual scent, but because of everything it's connected to.

Smells equal memories to me (so do songs, and places, and just about anything, but that's not the point). The point is: I have a lot of wonderful memories tied to bonfires.

One year we camped in my backyard and four of us slept in a one man tent. All night everything smelled like bonfire and all night I kept waking up. I was freezing in my mummy sleeping bag until one of my best childhood friends crawled in with me and we kept each other warm (yes, we spooned. Except at the time it was completely innocent and we didn't even know what that word meant).

During high school, every significant event was marked by my friends coming to my house for a bonfire. Afterward, we would lie under the stars or crash in the cabin. Sometimes we'd take a trip over to the water tower hill where we could be closer to the sky.

The summer before my freshman year in college, me and five of my girl friends took an overnight kayaking trip. We loaded all our gear into four kayaks and a canoe, boated down the river, camped overnight, and finished the trip in the morning. We made meals on that fire - we lived on that fire - and we did it ourselves. We didn't need an adult with us, and we didn't need a guy with us. We took care of ourselves. That's the first time I fully realized I could do life on my own.
Of course, life shook me up a little bit after that and I realized I need my Lord and my family more than I'd like to admit.

Bonfires are good things. Lots of good conversation happens around them. We don't need an agenda, we don't have to be doing something, we don't even have to talk. Just sitting and looking into the flames is enough keep us comfortably occupied, no awkward silence here. The bonfire can bond us.