So it's 2 am and I'm laying on the living room floor - still awake. I went to bed 1.5 hours ago and I can't sleep. I'm going back to school on Sunday and everything attached to that has come crashing down on me in a wave of anxiety that had been held off by this blissful break.
Finances, classes, friendships, commitment to ministries, spiritual warfare on behalf of myself and my loved ones - it all is so complicated by circumstances, relationships, opinion, time, the future. I want to live simply, but this world says "NO" and lays it on thick. But there is only so much I can do so instead of trying to figure everything out on my own I read.
"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." -Paul of Tarsus
Lord Jesus, this is such a beautiful way to live! I want this and I want you to make me a person capable of this. But what does it look like in every little situation!? Practically, God, how do I make decisions and act in accordance with your will for your Church in every situation?
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Paul of Tarsus
I know that as long as I stay firm in the Lord, what matters most will always fall into place. I may feel weak...and this is because I am; but I remain "poor in spirit" because I know that is when I get OUT OF HIS WAY. When I die to myself, His Spirit can fill me and move me in His will. This is when I can be confident that I am doing the right thing.
“Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come." -Jesus
Jesus has said it all. I can comment no further.
“Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” -Jesus
This is intimidating. "Every empty word" will be counted on the day of judgement. Not only then does it matter, but it also matters today, right now. I can speak words of life or death. I can work with the Spirit, or I work against Him. My choice...my dedication...my commitment to my Lord.
"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have" -Paul of Tarsus
God grant me the clarity to follow You, give me the grace to forgive myself for my mistakes, share Your wisdom with me, and cover me with the peace that transcends all understanding. I love You. Amen.
Goodnight.
